Tag: good example

A mother’s love

A friend just posted a link to this blog and I have to share.

https://carriecariello.com/2019/01/07/it-could-be-my-son/?fbclid=IwAR1l9PPaAaXpbGBSk-7rK92yop1X38C_WMMeNO0Y3EHLGn4LdovQcP3GIsA

I’m moved to tears. As a mother, as a driver’s ed teacher, I cannot say how often I feel this exact same way about both my kiddo and each of my students.

The time of most danger is in the first year that new drivers have their licenses. It takes 5 years experience for a new driver to become average. I use that statistic a lot because it has such weight for me. Not five weeks, or months, five years. There is no way to get through those first five years other than to just get out there and keep driving. So we hold our breath as parents and teacher, and have faith. We trust that we have given them as much information as possible to help them make good choices with statistics, stories, movies, classroom instruction, and best practices demonstrated and tried. We trust that they have a good head on their shoulders to help them creative problem-solve. We trust they have quick reflexes that will help them. We trust that the pedestrians and drivers around them will make good choices that keep them out of harms way. We trust that they will have luck on their side and be able to learn from their mistakes, that are bound to happen, and make it through. Those of us who pray, pray.

Do everything you can to help them. Be a good role model, and show them how you can drive safely. Put the phone down, slow down, and don’t complain too much about people around you who make mistakes, it just makes them paranoid. Be a support, and point out what you are doing when, and why even before they can drive, so they can start to learn even before they have the stress of maneuvering a vehicle. Check up on them and let them know you are doing so. Hold them accountable for transgressions, so they understand the real consequences for mistakes.

Be kind, patient and courteous as a driver. Stay safe, and help these new drivers stay safe as well.

Can I do more than the required driving hours with you?

I recently encountered an inquiry for post-driver’s ed training for a new driver. The student had completed driver training (not with me,) and they and the parents felt that they were still nervous and could use some more help. Another parent responded that they had a similar issue with their own kiddo. This parent said that they had just done it. They had gone out on difficult weather, night and day conditions, and just kept driving, and driving, and driving. I could not have given better advice.

I have done this for some students, extra hours. But it’s expensive and I don’t have a lot of extra time beyond what I give to my regularly scheduled kiddos. The answer is always to just drive more. There is no substitute for experience. It takes a new driver 5 years of driving to get to be an average driver. Average! Who wants to be average, don’t we all like to think we are above average?

Every kid is different, and we do not all learn at the same rate. Driving is in incredibly complex task as it involves rules, spacial ability, reading social cues, hand-eye coordination, and quick problem solving. We do not all excel at all of these things.

Now, I know that for some parents who are super nervous, that can make things worse. Your nerves transfer to your new driver, which makes them more nervous, which makes things worse. None of us drive better when we are nervous. Try to either hide the nerves, or find someone calmer who can drive with your kiddo. As they calm down, and start to improve, you will be less scared, and in turn, so will they, and then they will drive better. It’s only a vicious cycle if you let it be. It can also be a positive cycle. Hang in there.

If you really need to ask for more help, please do so. There are times when you will really need more driving hours with a professional such as a kiddo with special needs. If there is a particular skill that your student is struggling with, please ask for help with that. Your driving instructor should be able to tell you exactly how they explain a particular skill set, so you can use those same words at home. Parents can often ride along for a driving hour to see how the instructor is explaining things, so you can duplicate their level of calm and clear communication.

It really is better to do this while your kiddo is still in class though, rather than wait until class is over. You should be practicing enough that you are seeing what your kiddo is struggling with, and asking for help when your teacher can intervene. There should be open communication and feedback from both sides.

This is all generic advice, having not spoken with the original parent, or met this student. I try very hard to take each student as I find them and help them the best way I know how. I’m glad that this parent is looking for more help rather than just saying, “My kid is 16, and everyone else is getting a license, and they took the class, so off you go into the world!” It’s important to know your kiddo and do everything you can to help them be safe and comfortable out there on the road. I still think the answer is likely, do more driving.

Awesome Parenting

Patrick made my week!  When we went out for our first driving hour, I asked how it went at home after the first day of class, where parents are encouraged to attend.  Patrick said that his Dad talked to him.  Dad has made a commitment to his son to try to be more aware of how he, himself,  is driving, and try to drive the way he wants Patrick to drive.  He said he would be more aware of how he is steering, going the speed limits, using his blinkers, and not being on his phone when he’s behind the wheel. He said it was not fair to ask his son to drive one way when he drove another way.  This absolutely made my week.

Patrick’s Dad, Thank you!  This is amazing parenting.  If I know one thing about 16 year-olds, it’s that they have no tolerance for hypocrisy, and we all know from experience that, “Do as I say, and not as I do,” does not work.  I love that you are setting a good example for your kiddo and also keeping yourself and the people on the road around you more safe in the process.  I wish everyone would learn from your example, and I hope Patrick really appreciates your commitment to him.  I know I do.  I know what a strong influence parents can be, when they do it right.  I’m a very happy teacher today.