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The Guilt Trip

As opposed to a road trip.

Yesterday I felt really ill.  I get fun migraines that come with floaters in my vision and nausea.  Sometimes an aspirin will help, sometimes it seems to just make them mad.  The first two students, it was just an annoyance.  Then I had a break and since it’s too far to come home between students, I found a quiet spot in the school parking lot and tried to rest.  I sat up twenty minutes later feeling much worse.  I just made it through the next student, fighting nausea and knowing that while we got through our lesson plan, I was not my usual cheery self.  As that hour was ending I had to make a choice about the rest of the day.  I had three more students scheduled for the afternoon. Nothing seemed to be helping here at all.

I pulled out my phone and the phone numbers listed and texted the kids letting them know how very sorry I was, but I didn’t think I could do it.  I don’t think I can explain how much I hate to cancel on students.  Driver’s ed is a constant fight to get kids enough hours behind the wheel.  Everyone has very complicated schedules, including me, and I know I have to make plans way in advance to make my life work.  I do not appreciate it when my students cancel on me with no notice, and I try to live by the golden rule and treat them the way I want them to treat me.  If they cancel on me with no notice, there is a fee.  I usually waive the fee if it is due to illness, but I don’t want to be taken advantage of either.  When they cancel, it not only makes my day much less productive, but the hour still has to be driven another time, which actually feels like two hours have been wasted.  It’s very annoying and disrespectful.

I also have to weigh my performance.  These kids each only get ten hours with me, which seems like a lot, but they go really fast.  If they only get one shot in their whole life to learn how to drive well, and I’m not at my best for one of those hours, they could miss something important.  It’s not fair.  In addition, things happen really fast in the car, and if I don’t react quickly or explain well, we could get hurt.

This is not a regular job where you can just call in sick.  There is no substitute me.  I am the whole company, and I cannot just hire someone even if I found someone I trusted.  They have to be certified and trained.  That takes a very long time, and is a huge responsibility.  Having someone alone in a car with teenagers who do not have a license?  I know most people will get how big a deal that is.

So I spent all morning thinking about all of these things.  It was a hard decision, and most of the time I will drive no matter what.  This time I cancelled and got home and crawled into bed with the covers over my head for the afternoon.  I felt terrible, and I still went back and forth over making the right decision, which I’m sure did not help the headache abate.  When I finally got up to try to eat something, I saw a text that one of the students had not gotten the message and had gone to the driving hour only to be stood up by me!  Uh.  If can only tell you how much worse I felt.  I try so hard to be professional and lead by example.  The number he was texting from was not the number he had listed as a contact number, so I don’t know how we got our signals crossed, but I replied and apologized a lot.   I am so bummed.  I don’t think I could have done this differently, but I have been on such a guilt trip for the last 24 hours.  I wish it had been a fun road trip.

First day of class

Yesterday was my first day of class with new students.  As drivers ed teachers, we get to do this far more often than regular school teachers, who only have first days once or twice per year if they have half-year classes.  I get one about every two months.  Would you believe that even after 18 years of doing this, I still get nervous?  Really nervous.  I want so badly to get off on the right foot with new kids.  Set the right tone, say all things I want to say, get through all the information.  It’s difficult to get across the idea that this is a very serious class, with a very serious topic, but that it should also be fun.  Driving is fun!  Driving is scary enough, my student’s shouldn’t also be afraid of me.

I invite parents to come to some of my first day as well, which adds to the nerves.  I want them to get to know who they are entrusting their kiddos in the car with.  I want them to see how much I care about their kids, and how seriously I take their safety.  I want them to know we are in this together and we need to communicate and practice as much as possible in order to get the most out of our limited time together.

You never know what personalities you will get in a new class.  By the end of a class, my students and I know each other so well after ten hours of driving with lots of one-on-one time, and having survived something together.  It’s hard to let them go.  I walk back into the same room, expecting the same smiling faces, ready to hear about their day, their latest driving adventures, or whatever they want to share, and instead I have a sea of anxious faces not knowing where to sit, what to expect, or who I am.

Luckily for me, yesterday as I walked in, several of my old students came running in, shouting my name, waiting to tell me about their DMV stories and how they got their license, or still have to wait.  Their big smiles, inside jokes and victories totally made my day.  My hope is that the new kids see that and know that old kids still stop by happily,  means to me, I am doing something right.  So to my  most recent former students, “clouds and cammo,” will forever remind me of you.  To me new students, I can’t wait to see what our adventures will bring.  We got through the first day, and now we can get down to work.  Driving begins today, and I hope you are excited too.